Awww….do I really have to eat that? My rantings, and ravings about how much I hate green beans, and other equally disgusting things


What to do when encountered by a “Green Devil” AKA a grean bean

We all know that somewhere along the line, you will have to face your greatest enemy…which is, in some peoples cases, a green bean. Often times, you may be in a situation, where you have no choice, other than to eat the green bean. At least you won’t have to stare at it anymore if you eat it…ugh….it is extremely hard on the eyes. But, that awful, watery, gross taste…it makes you want to choke. So what do you do? Below are some  helpful ideas, should you ever be faced with something so awful as a green bean.

1. An easy escape is to shove all of them in your mouth as quickly as possible, and run to the bathroom. Then spit them out in the toilet, and flush. “Buh-bye taste bud torture!”. But, should you encounter the host on your journey to the restroom, please refrain from talking. I must say, it is difficult to talk when you have a mess of green beans smooshed together in your mouth.

2. Another thing you could do, is say you are very, very, VERY full, and could not eat another bite. But, if you say this, then you also have to skip desert, because it certainly would be odd if you didn’t have the room for one green bean, but you ate three pieces of apple pie a-la-mode

3.  Say you have a plate in front of you. At the top, is a chicken drumstick. On the left side is a piece of bread. On the bottom is a pile of green beans. To the right, you have a giant dollop of mashed potatoes. You are at a very large meal, and it seems as if no one is paying any attention to you. What should you do? Very simple, my green bean hating friend. You eat the chicken, you eat the bread. You mess up the mashed potatoes, so it looks as if you ate some of them. Then you use your fork as a lever, and lift up the mashed potatoes. Shove the green beans underneath, and let the mashed potatoes fall back on top. Use your fork to cover any protruding green beans with mashed potatoes, and  there you are! When someone comes to clean your plate, shake your head sadly, and say “That chicken was so delicious I ran out of room for my potatoes!” then, before the hostess notices the bit of green peeking out from beneath the potatoes, say (if you are an adult) “I absolutely MUST know how you marinated your chicken! It was AMAZING!” or if you are still living with your parents, say “You really need to give my mom that recipe….it was delish!” the pleased hostess/host will be overjoyed, and will rush your plate to the kitchen, then come back to you, to share his/her recipe. Mission complete.

4. This is a tried, and true way to dispose of green beans. BUT it only works if you have paper napkins. All you do, is wipe your mouth after each bite, and spit your green beans into the napkin as you are “WIPING” your mouth. Then, go to the restroom, and dispose of you green bean filled napkin. Mission complete. Green beans sucessfully avoided.

This concludes my lesson today, about how to avoid green beans. Thank you. *bows*

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